Values
“What I rely on when making decisions in uncertainty and how I see my life.”
Values determine what a person bases their decisions on in moments when no clear guide exists, and at the same time how they understand and experience their life. They influence not only specific choices in demanding situations, but also the meaning a person gives them in retrospect, how they evaluate their life and how they see the world around them.
In everyday life it can seem that decision-making is a matter of information, experience or circumstances. In demanding situations it turns out that is not enough. A person often does not have all the information, does not have time for lengthy deliberation and cannot rely on clear rules. It is precisely in these moments that values decide. Equally, in periods when nothing dramatic is happening, values determine how a person constructs their picture of a „good life“, what they consider important, whether they feel their life makes sense and how satisfied they are with it.
It is not about general declarations or what a person thinks should be important. Values show up in practice in what a person actually does, what they prioritise, how they speak with others, what they support and what they refuse, even when it is uncomfortable. This dimension therefore does not say what a person „is“ according to their own self-image, but what they act on and what they actually make space for in their life.
“What I rely on when making decisions in uncertainty and how I see my life.”
Values can take many forms. For some the key is responsibility, for others freedom, for others family, fairness, stability, security, belonging, respect, or the possibility of being useful. This also includes belief in something that goes beyond the individual – whether in a religious sense or as a basic conviction about the world. It is not about which values are „correct“. What matters is whether they are clear, grounded and usable, and whether a person actually lives by them.
Values affect the quality of decision-making above all. In ordinary day-to-day life this may not be visible. Things follow their order, rules exist and decision-making is relatively simple. But as soon as conditions change, certainties disappear and pressure increases, it becomes clear what a person actually acts on. When a person has their values clear, they can make decisions even without complete certainty. Not because they know the „right answer“, but because they have an anchor. They know what matters to them and what they do not want to cross.
Values also affect how a person experiences their life. Whether they feel they are living „in alignment with themselves“, or that circumstances are pushing them into roles and decisions that go against them. Whether they see their life as a series of tasks, or also find meaning, relationships and small joy in it. Whether they see the world as a place where it is worth believing in something, or as a space where only survival matters. Values thus also show up in optimism, trust and the ability to find something of value even in hard times.
Without this grounding, decision-making in demanding situations becomes complicated. A person hesitates, adapts to the pressure of those around them, tries to please everyone, or reacts impulsively according to what is pressing hardest. In the long term they may feel they are living „outside themselves“ – fulfilling what is expected while a growing inner misalignment and dissatisfaction builds. Conversely, where values are solid and clear, greater stability arises even in uncertainty.
Values also affect relationships and cooperation. In demanding situations it matters that people know what they can expect from each other. Where values are shared or at least clearly expressed, cooperation is easier. Where they are not, distrust and conflict grow. Two people can both want a „good solution“ but mean something different by it – precisely according to their values.
At the same time this dimension affects how a person handles pressure. Values give direction, but also limits. They help determine what is worth holding on to and what is not. Without them there is a risk of functioning long-term in a mode that is not sustainable. Clear values can be a source of resilience: they allow someone to say „not here, not any further“ even when it is uncomfortable, and at the same time to sense that even a hard period can have meaning if it is in line with what we believe.
Values are therefore not just an „inner compass“, but a practical tool for managing uncertainty, pressure and change, and a basic framework for satisfaction with life. They do not solve everything, but they significantly affect how a person decides, how they feel in their own life and how they can navigate relationships and the environment around them.
Story from practice
“It was Tuesday evening, the end of a project we had been working on for several months. The final output was due the next morning. A few people stayed in the office, including me. Open presentations on the table, reminders in email, several missed calls on my phone from my husband, who was looking after the children and texting that the little one had a fever and was crying, did I know yet when I was coming home.
The team leader came into our room and said quite clearly: “We need you to finish this today. The client is waiting, we promised it. It is a priority.” Everyone nodded. I did too. But in my head a different level started running: at home there is a sick child and an exhausted partner, here there are colleagues and a work commitment. Both carried weight for me. Both rested on my values – responsibility and reliability on one side, family and care on the other.
I sat at my computer feeling torn in two. Part of me said: “It is just one evening, push through, they will manage at home.” The other part countered: “This has looked like this too often. If you say yes again now, you will move the boundary one more step further.” It was not a decision about what was right and what was wrong. It was a decision between two things that both mattered to me.
In the end I got up and went to my manager. I said I would do part of the work from home, but I could not stay in the office until late tonight. It did not come easily. I was afraid of looking like the person who “puts family before work” and is not enough of a team player. My manager was not pleased. He asked whether just this once it could be different. I said: not this time.
I left for home feeling both relief and doubt. At home I saw a sick child and a husband who was already at the end of his energy, and it was clear to me that this decision made sense. At the same time I felt the pressure of how it would be seen at work, whether I had “let the team down”. The next day I went through it with my manager once more. I explained that for me family in that kind of situation has to come first, but that I would finish the work and would not let the project fall.
It was only looking back that I understood that evening was not just “one conflict between work and family”. It was the moment when my values stopped being theory and became practice. It was not that I had stopped taking work seriously. I like my work. It was that for the first time I had set a boundary out loud: family is more important to me in certain situations than the image of one hundred per cent loyalty to an institution. And I was willing to bear the consequences, including being seen differently.
At the same time I realised one more thing. Looking back, my satisfaction with my life does not depend on how many projects I completed, but on whether in key moments I acted in line with what I believe – basic respect and fairness to myself. In that sense values for me are not just a framework for hard decisions, but also the measure by which I later feel whether my life makes sense.“