Dimension 8 · How to build resilience · Children
Values
“Values are your inner compass. They help you make decisions, show you direction and help you recognise what matters most in life.”
What is it?
Values are like an inner compass.
They don't tell you what to do. They help you recognise what feels right for you. Everyone's values can be a little different. There is no single list that applies to everyone. What matters is gradually discovering what is important to you.
Does it bother you when someone cheats?
Maybe fairness matters to you.
Do you stand up for someone weaker?
Maybe justice is important to you.
Do you always keep your word?
Maybe you value reliability.
Values don't show only in what we say. They show most in the moments when we make decisions. Values help you make decisions, know your limits, and gradually become the person you want to be.
When do values show most?
Values don't show only in what we say. They show most in the moments when we make decisions.
Sometimes it is easier to go along with others. Sometimes it is hard to say no. Sometimes we worry about what others will think of us. It is precisely in those moments that values help us recognise how we want to behave.
Nobody makes the right decision every time. Everyone sometimes says something they regret. Everyone sometimes does something differently than they would have wanted. That is normal. What matters is thinking about your decisions, being able to admit a mistake and learning from them.
Why does this relate to resilience?
There are no instructions for every situation in life. Sometimes you simply don't know what to do. Sometimes you have a choice between several options.
But when you know what matters to you, you have your own fixed point to lean on. Values help you make decisions, know your limits, and gradually become the person you want to be.
What we discovered together
We have gone through all the dimensions that resilience is made of. We discovered that resilience is not one ability. It is a network of things that help us manage life:
- health,
- relationships,
- skills,
- a secure base,
- values,
- and other resources around you.
Resilience is not something you either have or don't have. It is something you can gradually strengthen. Just as muscles need training, resilience also develops through small daily steps.
Story: David at the playground
David was out at the playground with a group of friends. Suddenly an older boy came up to him and suggested they go to a nearby shop with his gang.
Hey, we'll grab a few energy drinks and walk out without paying. Nobody will notice. You coming?
David felt his stomach tighten. He didn't want to look like a coward. But he also knew it was wrong. He was quiet for a moment, then said: I'm not going along with it, and neither should you.
Walking home, he wondered if he had made a mistake. The next day he found out the boys had been caught in the shop. But that wasn't the point.
What mattered most was that he had made his own choice — not the one others wanted from him.
Ten tips
What to remember
Reflect on what is truly important to you. That is where your values gradually take shape.
Notice the people you admire. You often see in them qualities you value in yourself.
You don't have to do everything others do. Having your own opinion is okay, even when it is not easy.
Know your limits. There are things you don't want to do, even if someone tries to persuade you.
Try to let your actions match what you believe in. Values show most clearly in how we behave.
When you make a mistake, come back to it. An apology, repair or lesson learned is also an expression of values.
Respect that others may have different values. You don't have to be the same to treat each other fairly.
Before a tough decision, ask yourself: What feels right for me in this situation? That question helps you slow down and decide for yourself.
Don't let yourself be pushed into things that go against your beliefs. You have the right to say no, walk away or ask for support.
Gradually discover who you want to become. Values help you find direction, even when the path is not always easy.
Questions for reflection
Try asking yourself...
- 1
What is truly important to you in life?
What would you not want to lose?
- 2
Which quality of yours are you most proud of?
What do you like about yourself and why?
- 3
Which qualities do you value most in your friends?
What makes a good friend in your eyes?
- 4
When did you last do something that was hard but felt right afterwards?
What motivated you?
- 5
Who is someone you admire?
Which of their qualities would you like to have?
- 6
Has it ever happened that you disagreed with something even though everyone else thought differently?
How did you handle it?
- 7
How would you like people to describe you one day?
Who do you want to become?